[CH.71] Ideal and Reality (Take's POV)
"…It's hot every day."
In the midst of mid-August, well beyond the halfway point of summer vacation, I seek refuge from the scorching sun in the shade of the trees.
My homework is almost finished; all that remains is the independent research. Despite the grand name, it doesn't necessarily have to be something remarkable. Simply writing about things I'm curious about, interested in, or information about the local specialties and tourist spots from family trips would be enough to pass. However, as someone who has submitted similar research papers in the past to simply get by, I, now a sixth grader, was thinking that for the last independent research I submit in school, I want to make something a bit more substantial.
Yet, even as I ponder on this, no particular topic comes to mind, and all that surfaces is thoughts of her. Soon to be the fourth year of my one-sided crush, Sumire Matsuda. Every year since falling for her, I can't help but wish for school to start soon. I don't want to study, but I think about wanting to see Sumire every day. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
My friend Musashi initially used to cheer me on, but perhaps because I've been dragging my feet, he stopped urging me to confess recently. However, lately, he often seems to be staring intently at Haruka, who apparently lives in the same dormitory as Sumire. Curious, I asked Musashi about it when I stayed over at his house the other day.
According to Musashi, Haruka is just as cute as Sumire and could become popular, but he finds it irritating that she is intentionally hiding behind Sumire's shadow, trying not to stand out. He mentioned that if he gets a chance, he'll tell her directly. Recently, he seems to be keeping a close eye on her. But, Musashi, isn't that more like naturally following Haruka with your eyes rather than keeping an eye on her? I find myself staring at Sumire without realizing it, and if she's not around, I unconsciously look for her, so I understand.
When I pointed this out, Musashi blushed and angrily shouted, "Shut up! More importantly, what about you, Take!?" It seems he was curious whether I would confess or not.
If I could, I would like to confess, and I want to experience being in a mutual liking relationship with Sumire. But even if I confess now, I think Sumire would probably reject me. Thanks to Kuu-chan, I became friends with Sumire, and I am truly grateful for that. However, the way Sumire looks at me is genuinely only filled with friendliness. Just like how I look at her, or Musashi looks at Haruka, there's no warmth in her gaze.
Even if I confess in this situation, it's evident that I would end up with the same result as those who confessed during the school trip and got rejected. Even though I'll be attending a different school from next year, and we won't be able to meet much, my feelings for her are not something I can take lightly. Graduating from elementary school doesn't mean it's game over, and I hope to take my time and become closer to Sumire in that way.
Back then, I was quite carefree in my thinking, believing that even with time passing, no other boy would become closer to her than Musashi and me. The catalyst that shattered my misconception was a phone call from Kuu-chan.
"Take-kun, it's a call from Touka-chan."
As I pondered over what to choose for my research project, my mom said that to me. Although I met Kuu-chan at the summer festival recently, she didn't say anything special.
I took the receiver from my mom in the hallway and asked, "Hello, Kuu-chan?" In response, as usual, she retorted, "Don't call me Kuu-chan!" But it's clear that she's not seriously upset, so it has become a sort of customary exchange. However, if I say it in front of other kids, she genuinely scolds me. At school, she insists on being called Touka-chan.
"Take, are you free tomorrow?"
"I'm free, but what's up all of a sudden?"
With my abrupt response, Kuu-chan began talking happily about Sumire. My heart pounded at the mention of the name of the person I like. It seemed like Kuu-chan didn't notice my reaction, and the conversation continued.
According to Kuu-chan, Sumire has been participating in the filming of a movie since the first day of summer vacation. Although we casually heard about such things, we hadn't inquired about the details, like when it started and for how long. When I heard that the movie filming was still ongoing, I was surprised and exclaimed, "For this long!?"
Do you think she has time for homework? If she's participating in filming for such a long time, I feel like she might not have time for herself, and I'm a little worried. But Sumire-chan submits her homework every year, and, above all, she's been a straight-A student since she transferred here. Maybe she manages to use the evening hours wisely and gradually finishes her homework.
But wait, Sumire-chan is taking an entrance exam to go to a different school, right? Even if she somehow manages her homework, is she making progress in her exam preparation?
"So, um... Hey, Take, are you listening?"
"Yeah, I'm listening, it's okay!"
Lost in thought, I reflexively replied to Kuu-chan's loud voice. I heard what seemed like an exasperated sigh from the other end of the phone, realizing that Kuu-chan noticed I wasn't fully paying attention.
"I'll say it again since it seems like you weren't really listening, Sumire invited us to visit the film set. Haruka and I will go as girls, and you and Musashi as boys. Musashi said he'd go when I called him earlier, but what about you, Take? Well, I guess I don't need to ask for an answer."
"Of course, I'll go!"
Around the time Kuu-chan finished speaking, I unconsciously said that. Meeting Sumire-chan is the most exciting part, but I've been curious about the world she's working so hard in. If possible, I'd like to observe it closely enough to make it a proper subject for my independent research.
"Take, when we met the other day, you said you couldn't decide on a topic for your independent research, right? I thought it was a good opportunity, so I asked Sumire if it was okay to invite boys as well. Be grateful to kind me, okay?"
"Of course, I'm grateful! Thank you, Kuu-chan."
Expressing my thanks to Kuu-chan, who would probably have a proud expression, she left a slightly disgruntled remark and hung up with, "Don't be late tomorrow." If we weren't that close, she might have been annoyed, but I know she's just shy.
Tomorrow morning, I'll be prepared for some teasing when we meet. More importantly, I'll get to see Sumire-chan after a long time. Excited about that, I found myself tightly clenching my fist.
---
The next day, I left home earlier than the meeting time. The desire to see Sumire-chan was stronger than the thought of not wanting to keep Kuu-chan and Musashi waiting. Unable to contain my excitement, I departed from home earlier than necessary.
The meeting point was in front of the school gate, where Sumire-chan's manager would pick us up in a car. The companions for the outing were Kuu-chan and Musashi, who invited me, and Haruka-chan, who works in the same job as Sumire-chan. Honestly, I felt reassured that Musashi came along; if I were the only guy, it would probably have been awkward.
As I contemplated this, we had somehow arrived near the school. Usually, I would go straight to the entrance, but today, I followed the fence surrounding the school towards the gate. Despite leaving my house quite early, I thought I'd be the first one, but Kuu-chan was already waiting.
"Good morning, Kuu-chan. You're early."
"...Good morning. If the one who invited you was late, it wouldn't make sense, you know."
I couldn't help but laugh at Kuu-chan's responsible words, despite her usual reluctance. Seeing that, she wore an expression half shy, half annoyed, turning her face away in a pout.
Listening to the distant chirping of cicadas, we stood there absentmindedly without talking for a while. Musashi probably hasn't arrived yet, and Haruka-chan was supposed to come with Sumire-chan's manager, so it would be just the two of us for a while. It might be because we're childhood friends with a long history of acquaintance that the silence doesn't feel awkward.
"Takesa, you call me Kuu-chan, right? I've more or less given up on being called that way, and I don't hate it that much anymore, but it's better to stop because it might lead to some weird misunderstandings."
Standing side by side in the shade of a large tree growing next to the school gate, Kuu-chan suddenly brought up this topic. I didn't understand the meaning behind it, and I couldn't help but tilt my head in confusion.
Seeing that I didn't grasp what she was talking about, Kuu-chan sighed softly, wiping the sweat on her forehead with a handkerchief.
"Among some girls, there's a rumor going around that you and I are dating. Of course, there's no truth to it, but in their misunderstanding, your way of calling me is also apparently a contributing factor."
I wasn't sure what she meant. Kuu-chan and I weren't dating, and I had a crush on Sumire-chan. If I were to date someone, I'd prefer to be with Sumire-chan rather than Kuu-chan. So why were these girls having strange misunderstandings? I didn't understand at all, and I felt sorry for Kuu-chan, but that was the situation.
Whether she was exasperated with my reaction or not, Kuu-chan sighed deeply again and explained the situation further.
Apparently, I used Kuu-chan's nickname from our nursery school days until around the middle of the first grade, although I didn't remember it at all. It wasn't until Kuu-chan approached me and asked if I wanted to be Sumire-chan's male friend that I started calling her by her real name. She mentioned that many children who attended the same nursery school didn't remember much about those times compared to kids who went to public kindergartens. Indeed, apart from the close friends like Kuu-chan, I barely remembered the details about other children from those days.
Kuu-chan's hypothesis was that if I had continued using the same nickname, perhaps these misunderstandings wouldn't have occurred. In my speculation, people like that forcibly attached false rumors to any minor reason. Regardless, my actions, motivated by a desire to tease Kuu-chan, unintentionally led to the creation of these strange rumors. Oh, maybe Kuu-chan persistently told me to stop using that nickname not just because it was embarrassing but also to prevent these misunderstandings? It would have been nice if she had just said so.
I wondered if I had caused trouble for Kuu-chan. If so, I genuinely apologized. While I didn't know if she had someone she liked, it was possible. If misunderstandings were caused by rumors about us, it would be unfortunate. Even though I never directly thanked her, I appreciated her help in various ways. Reflecting on this, I felt it wasn't right to cause her trouble with such a weird situation.
As I was lost in these thoughts, Kuu-chan began to share something else that caught my attention.
"Above all, those girls were the ones spreading those rumors to Sumire. Sumire doesn't easily believe in such things, so she came directly to me to confirm, which was fortunate."
Don't irresponsibly spread weird rumors, especially to Sumire-chan! But the fact that she came directly to ask Kuu-chan means she might be concerned about me. Seeing my fluctuating emotions, ranging from anger to joy, Kuu-chan mischievously laughed, as if pushing me into hell.
"I'm sorry for being happy, but Sumire, thinking we might be dating, wanted to subtly help us have some private time together. During group activities, we're always together as a group of five... Well, I cleared up the misunderstanding that it was an entirely unnecessary concern."
"Thank you, Touka-chan."
"If you had quickly listened to what I said and changed the way you addressed me, it wouldn't have become such a hassle."
Touka-chan sighed in a somewhat exasperated manner, but without proper explanations, how was I supposed to know? She did reassure that Sumire wouldn't have any weird misunderstandings, so I kept my complaints and frustrations deep inside and remained silent.
After a while, Musashi arrived, and soon after, Sumire-chan's manager came to pick us up along with Haruka-chan. She took the four of us, including Haruka-chan, to where Sumire-chan was in her car. We arrived at a suburban studio about an hour and a half away by car, and to our surprise, Sumire-chan personally welcomed us.
Dressed differently than usual, Sumire-chan looked like an adult working for some company, making my heart race. She had makeup on, and for some reason, she seemed taller than usual, smelled nice, and my head was spinning with various thoughts.
As I distanced myself from Sumire-chan, who was happily chatting with Touka-chan and Haruka-chan, and took a deep breath, Musashi, with an exasperated expression, said to me, 'Hey hey, are you okay?' Noisy, even though he seemed restless since meeting Haruka-chan this morning.
Perhaps I was too absorbed in Sumire-chan's appearance, but I noticed a man standing a little behind her. It seemed neither Musashi nor Touka-chan and the others had noticed until now. Sumire-chan was about to introduce him, and it was only then that we became aware of his presence.
He introduced himself as Ryuya Ishidou, and despite being just Sumire-chan's classmate, he spoke kindly to us. We felt he was a nice person. However, that impression crumbled with just one sentence from Sumire-chan.
"Ryuya-san is playing my lover in the movie I'm currently shooting."
How enviable! Even if it's fake, I want to be Sumire-chan's lover. Of course, it would be better to be her real lover, but with my current self, I'm completely out of Sumire-chan's league.
While I was getting depressed analyzing myself, Sumire-chan continued introducing Ishidou-san. According to her, following the director's advice to get along better with him, she spent her free time during the shoot going to the aquarium and shopping with him. That's practically a date, without a doubt. Touka-chan and Haruka-chan, sharing the same impression as me, cheerfully teased Sumire-chan.
With a slightly embarrassed expression, Sumire-chan received light head-pats from Ishidou-san, who said, "Now I see her like a cute little sister." Certainly, Ishidou-san seemed to be around college age, so his words were probably true. But isn't he touching Sumire-chan a bit too much? After urging us to move inside since it was hot, he casually took Sumire-chan's hand and started walking.
While it's common to see girls holding hands, Sumire-chan was not someone who did such things with boys, so this was a significant shock. Seeing Sumire-chan's hand fitting snugly into Ishidou-san's palm, perhaps because her hand is small, I felt an unprecedented simmering anger deep in my stomach.
After that, the observation was a disaster. Even though I heard explanations, nothing registered in my mind. Despite being scolded by the manager in the car, I managed to bump into a set-up camera and got yelled at by the responsible man. Sumire-chan intervened and bowed in my place, but rather than feeling grateful, I felt incredibly miserable being defended by a girl of the same age whom I liked.
Still, we somehow finished the observation. The three of us, excluding Haruka-chan, got back into the manager's car for the journey home. Haruka-chan wasn't making much progress in her exam studies, and today she planned to stay at the same hotel as Sumire-chan to get help with the parts she didn't understand.
Sitting in the back seat of the wagon, I struggled to untangle my thoughts alone. I want to punch myself for thinking such naive thoughts as confessing after making an effort to be liked even after graduating from elementary school. It's pathetic how I'm so shaken just because a man appeared who could touch Sumire-chan visibly.
Even if Ishidou-san didn't think of dating elementary schooler Sumire-chan, no, that's not it. Regardless of what the other person thinks, I don't want any guy other than me near Sumire-chan.
Just as I thought yesterday, with my current self, I might be able to stay close as a friend, but if I confess my desire for her to be my girlfriend and get rejected, I might lose even the friendship in that instant. However, if other guys continue to approach her like this in the future, I'm afraid I might do something stupid, like trying to confine her to a place where no one can reach her. That scares me.
If I couldn't see Sumire-chan at all, maybe I wouldn't have to think about such things. But she is an actress. There may be times, like this one, where she has to act as lovers with her co-star. When that happens, I'm sure I'll feel the same way I do now. I don't want to go through such painful emotions, but giving up on Sumire-chan is even more unbearable.
As conflicting emotions toward her clash in my mind, I had no way of imagining that I would be tormented by the challenge of what to do with my feelings for her for a long time to come.
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