[CH.16] Conversation with father
After that, my mother and I, who had both calmed down, apologized to Ms. Oshima, whom we had unintentionally left alone. Crying uncontrollably in front of others was a major embarrassment, something I had never done in my past lives. Ms. Oshima watched me as I lowered my head, probably aware that my face was still red, with a somewhat amused expression on his face.
"Please, once again, consult with your father as a family this time. I hope for a positive response," she said with a cheerful smile while seeing us off at the entrance. In front of the gate, there was a black luxury car owned by Ms. Oshima, which he intended to use to drive us to Tokyo Station. It was an incredibly attentive gesture.
As the driver opened the door, my mother and I got into the back seat, thanking him. The seats were extremely comfortable, upholstered in genuine leather. In one of my past lives, I had ridden in the rear seat of a police car when I was caught for a temporary stop violation at a railway crossing while riding a scooter just after obtaining my regular driver's license. This was either the same level of luxury or even higher.
I was impressed by such a trivial thing, and then the door closed with a thud, and the window opened automatically. Power windows were a standard feature even in small cars at the end of the Heisei era, but in this time period, they were only found in luxury cars. My mother, who was used to cars where you had to manually turn a handle to open the window, was suddenly startled and shivered when she saw the window open.
"Mrs. Matsuda, it's a good idea to interact with people who have different opinions from you. I'm not telling you to follow those with different opinions blindly, but by listening to differing viewpoints, you can consider various perspectives, right? You might come to the conclusion that your initial opinion was correct after all, and that's perfectly fine. The worst thing you can do is stop thinking and freeze your thoughts. If you ever have any troubles or something to discuss, don't hesitate to call me. When I have time, we can talk about it slowly," Ms. Oshima said.
"...It's a kind offer, but won't it be a bother for you, Oshima-san?"
Unexpectedly, my mother was puzzled by Ms. Oshima's invitation and asked hesitantly. Upon hearing that, Ms. Oshima waved his hand to dismiss her concerns.
"Don't worry, it won't be a bother at all. I stand to gain something from it as well. For instance, your way of thinking, the way you speak, your emotions... By getting to know all that, it adds to the variety in my mental drawer," she explained.
"Is that so?" my mother inquired.
"Yes, as an actor, when I play various roles, real human gestures and expressions are very informative. For actors, observing people is almost like an occupational hazard. The ones being observed might not like it, though," he added.
After saying that, Ms. Oshima shifted his gaze towards me.
"Sumire-san, make sure to convey your feelings to your father properly. You don't need to worry about your parents' preferences or their financial situation. What matters most is whether you want to do it or not, that's all."
I nodded in agreement to his last words of encouragement. The driver, perhaps timing it, closed the window automatically, and the car began to move slowly. I waved back at Ms. Oshima, who elegantly waved his hand, and my mother bowed deeply.
Upon returning to the station, we collected our luggage, and the car smoothly arrived at Tokyo Station without any issues. We thanked the driver and entered the station building. It was almost lunchtime, and the restaurants were quite crowded. After discussing it with my mother, we decided to choose souvenirs for our family and friends, then buy some boxed lunches at the platform to eat on the Shinkansen.
By the time we reached the platform, both my mother and I were in an awkward state, carrying several paper bags in our hands. My mother had bought famous chick-shaped pastries, while I had purchased some snacks for classmates like Nao, Fumika, and Chika-chan. The items for Ma-kun's house were being handled by my mother, so I had no involvement there.
"Are you okay, Mom? Should I carry some more?" I asked.
"Even your mother has her limits, you know. It's fine," she replied.
Responding to my mother's consideration, I smiled faintly. Since crying together with my mother at Ms. Oshima's house earlier, I felt like the emotional distance between us had somehow become closer than before.
The complex emotions I had towards my mother in my past life undoubtedly still existed in my heart. However, overlaying those emotions onto my present mother would be unreasonable and akin to taking out my frustrations on her. I had understood on the surface that they were different individuals, but I probably hadn't truly accepted it emotionally.
The moment I saw my mother crying for me, it felt as if someone had pointed out my own mistakes. I had been so preoccupied with the shadow of my past mother that I hadn't paid proper attention to my present mother. This might be something I could say about my father and sister as well, I had been overly conscious of my past life and had neglected the people in front of me. I thought I was looking at them properly, but in reality, it was just a pretense.
I knew that the emotions I had towards my past family would probably never completely disappear in this lifetime, but burdening my current family with them was incredibly unfair. If I were in their shoes, I would likely find it very unfair to be resented for something I hadn't done. I didn't want to be resented for things I hadn't done, that much I knew.
At first, I might still confuse the two worlds, but from now on, I strongly felt that I needed to separate my past life from my present life and think of them as separate entities. And if my current family did something unfair to me in this lifetime, I would consider it at that time. For now, I just wanted to believe in this tender hope.
As we continued to think about these things after boarding the Shinkansen and eating our bento, we had already moved to a point where the train would soon arrive at our destination without realizing it. Listening to the announcements inside the train, my mother and I divided the luggage between us and headed towards the deck.
Despite it being May, the air was slightly chilly as the sun set. As we descended onto the platform and followed the flow of people towards the ticket gate, I saw a familiar face on the other side waving at us.
"Oh, Dad. What's going on?"
"What's going on? I came to pick you guys up. I got a call from your mother yesterday, so I borrowed a car from an acquaintance... Whoa, that's a lot of luggage."
My father chuckled at my question and naturally took my luggage, and even half of my mother's, in his hands. We decided to continue our conversation in the car, so the three of us headed towards the parking lot. The car that had been parked there was a sedan, with a boxy retro appearance. However, that impression was largely due to my strong recollection of late Heisei-era car designs. I thought it was a popular design because you could see many cars like this on the streets.
After loading the luggage into the trunk, I sat in the back seat, and my mother took the passenger seat. It would take over an hour even if we used the highway to get home from here, so there was plenty of time for conversation. By the way, my father had apparently invited my sister to come along, but she declined, saying she would stay home. She hadn't heard anything about the audition results or what happened afterward, so in a way, it was convenient that she wasn't here.
I honestly can't predict how my sister will react when she hears this story. So, it's absolutely forbidden to talk about it casually. I need to be fully prepared before discussing it.
I don't think she'll go crazy, but she might throw a tantrum. However, if my father allows me to study acting in Tokyo, there might not be many opportunities in the future to have a proper conversation with my sister. Even if we can't reconcile perfectly, I want to have some kind of path to face my present-day sister.
"So, how was it in Tokyo?"
My father asked as he drove the car slowly. Now, this discussion on our side was also extremely significant for my future. I needed to convey my feelings properly, so I adjusted my sitting position and began to speak.
I explained that I had unfortunately failed the audition during the interview stage, but the film director, Kanzaki-san, had seen potential in me and introduced me to the actress Ms. Oshima. I also mentioned that I had performed in front of Ms. Oshima and she had invited me to study acting in Tokyo. Most importantly, I looked at my father's profile while driving and firmly conveyed that I wanted to try this.
Nodding along as my father asked occasional questions, he raised various concerns about my safety, living arrangements, and financial matters, which was unusual for him since he usually delegated such matters to my mother. My mother, in turn, supplemented her answers with information she had learned from Ms. Oshima. The fact that Ms. Oshima had suggested creating a legal document seemed to carry significant weight with my mother as a sign of trust.
"So, are you in favor of letting Sumire go to Tokyo?"
"...Yes, honestly, it's going to be lonely, and I'm worried, but if this is what she wants to do, I want to support her."
When my father asked this, my mother replied with a solemn expression. Upon hearing her answer, my father took a cigarette from his breast pocket, lit it using the car's built-in lighter, took a deep drag, and exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"It's not a bad idea. She should give it a try."
Contrasting with the solemn atmosphere, my father's response was surprisingly light-hearted. He smirked at my stunned expression in the rearview mirror.
"You'll understand when you're an adult, but the chances of childhood dreams coming true are really slim. But if you don't try, that chance remains at zero. So, to start, you should work hard to raise that zero to 1%."
"Did you have any childhood dreams, Dad?"
I suddenly thought of this question and asked, bewildered by my father's unexpected words. He briefly turned his gaze towards me and then chuckled.
"Well, you know, I wanted to work in a job related to cars. I even entered a vocational high school near our hometown for that reason. But I just couldn't keep up with it. Somehow I managed to graduate, but I couldn't get the job I wanted. After that, I worked for a big company as a printing machine operator, but my health took a toll, and that's how I ended up as a driver."
In a way, he had partially achieved a career related to cars, so maybe half of his dream had come true, he laughed. This story was new to me, including my past life, and it felt like the first time I had a frank conversation with my father. If we could continue talking like this in the future, I felt that we might be able to maintain our relationship without worsening it, at least not as it had been in my past life. No, I strongly wanted it to be that way.
After getting the green light from both my parents, I felt relieved. Strangely, I was suddenly overwhelmed by drowsiness. Despite my best efforts to stay engaged in my father's conversation and respond vaguely, the crowded conditions and traveling from Tokyo had sapped my energy. Before I knew it, I was overcome by drowsiness and embarked on a journey to the world of dreams.
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oooh nice dad
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