[CH.18] Friends *With illustration
I woke up in my mother's arms the next morning. The current situation of my estrangement from my sister might deepen her isolation further, but I also value my own well-being.
Sleeping with just my sister in the same room is, in a sense, like committing suicide. After all, she lacks composure, and there is a possibility of her causing harm.
Seemingly mocking my concerns, my sister, whom I faced that morning, ignored me as if I didn't exist, as if she had decided to treat me as invisible, just like she did before my father scolded her for the first time.
I estimate that I will be living with my sister for a maximum of about three months or so. So, I would be grateful if she can stay problem-free during that time. I'll try not to provoke her and avoid getting involved. Don't think of me as heartless; I'm telling myself that it's not the right time, probably.
As parents, they have a strong desire to spend as much time as possible with their soon-to-be separated daughter. They insisted on us sleeping in the same bed until the day I move out. Personally, I've had several conversations with my parents, worrying that this might worsen my sister's isolation within the family, but if they say it's fine, I can't say much more. I'll focus on the idea that they'll do their best after I'm gone, diverting my thoughts forcibly.
"Good morning. How was your Golden Week?"
"I went to Grandma's house. How about you?"
At the school I attended, conversations like that were happening all around in the classroom. I was also having a similar conversation with Nao and Fumika. It seemed that Nao had played with her cousins at her grandparents' house, and Fumika had gone on a family trip to Kyoto and Hyogo.
I also shared amusing stories about my time in Tokyo, and the time before the start of class passed by. Of course, we hadn't talked about the move to Tokyo yet. I thought it would be tough if they started crying. When I invited them to play after school, both Nao and Fumika nodded happily.
I had been thinking about how to broach the subject, how to comfort them if they started crying, or what to do if they started crying together. These thoughts made me somewhat absent-minded during class, and before I knew it, it was already after school.
I went home for a moment, carrying a paper bag with souvenirs, and headed to Fumika's house, which was our meeting place. I rang the doorbell and greeted the woman who came out while handing over the souvenirs.
"Oh, Sumire-chan. Thank you for always being so friendly with Fumika."
"No, no, I'm the one who's grateful for her friendship."
We exchanged these customary greetings and I was invited inside. It was the home of a close friend, so I headed straight to Fumika's room. I lightly knocked on the door, and Fumika timidly peeked out when she saw my face. Then, she flashed a bright smile upon seeing me. She looked incredibly cute, like a small animal.
"May I come in?"
"...Yes, please come in."
She opened the door and welcomed me inside. When I entered, Nao was already there, waving his hands happily. She still had his usual lively and energetic demeanor.
"Sorry, I'm the last one to arrive, huh? Did I make you wait?"
As I spoke while clasping my hands together, both Nao and Fumika shook their heads vigorously. We sat down on the cushions prepared for us and took a deep breath. Despite their bodies being on the verge of turning nine, I wondered if acting like an old man in my demeanor was affecting them. Self-deprecatingly, I turned to face Nao directly.
"I brought souvenirs from Tokyo. They might be a bit of a burden, but please share them with your family. I gave the same thing to Fumika's aunt, so enjoy it as a snack.""
While kneeling, I handed over the paper bag, and Nao gladly accepted it with a smile and a heartfelt "Thank you!" Fumika, looking a bit envious, was reassured when I mentioned the same gift for her aunt and also smiled.
"Um, so, about that..."
Both Nao and Fumika looked at me with curiosity, wondering how I was going to broach the subject. A subtle tension began to fill the room, but it was broken by a knock on the door.
Fumika opened the door, revealing her aunt holding a tray with cups filled with orange juice for everyone and the cookies I had brought. She placed the tray on Fumika's study desk and said, "I'm sorry for intruding with Sumire-chan's treat," before leaving the room.
Fumika handed me a cup, and I took a sip through the straw, moistening my throat a bit. It somehow felt like the atmosphere had reset, and I gathered my courage to speak once more.
"You see, there's something I want to talk to Nao and Fumika about."
"Is it something... unpleasant?"
Fumika asked with a tilt of her head, and I couldn't help but flinch a bit. Perhaps sensing something, both of them adjusted their postures.
"I told you about how my older sister applied without my consent and went to Tokyo for an audition, right?"
With both of them facing me directly, I couldn't keep avoiding it as an adult stuck in a child's body. I steeled myself and brought up the topic. Once I started talking, the words flowed surprisingly smoothly. I recounted everything that had happened over the long weekend, from getting noticed by the film director, Mr. Kanzaki, during the audition, to the connection he made with actress Ms. Oshima, who invited me to study acting under her guidance.
However, these children weren't ones to be easily deceived. They were sensitive to others' emotions and could read the atmosphere well.
"Suu-chan, are you going to be gone from here?"
Nao asked with a voice devoid of her usual cheerfulness. I nodded slowly.
"But it won't be right away, probably around the summer vacation..."
The excuses I came up with afterward seemed to dissolve into thin air. It was because I had seen a single tear fall from Nao's eyes as she gazed at me.
I had thought that they might cry, maybe it was conceited of me, but I hoped they wouldn't sob and beg me to stay. However, seeing Nao, who was always lively and cheerful, silently shedding tears, the weight of guilt felt many times heavier than I had imagined.
But I couldn't turn everything upside down and quit now. Giving up on my acting studies, leaving Nao and Fumika behind when I transferred schools—either choice would surely lead to regrets. However, I could maintain a connection with them even if there was some distance between us, as long as they wished for it. But one of these choices had to be made, as the path would be closed otherwise, and opportunities like this didn't come by easily.
"No, no, Suu-chan, I don't want you to go."
Surprisingly, it was Fumika, who was usually quiet, who cried out while shedding tears. Watching Fumika sobbing as she shook her head vigorously and Nao silently shedding tears, it occurred to me that their characters seemed to be reversed compared to usual, a trivial thought. But my body acted on its own, ignoring my intentions, and before I knew it, I was hugging both of them.
My body was small, and I couldn't hold them tightly since Nao was taller than me and Fumika had a similar body size. Nevertheless, I acted on impulse, cradling their heads against my chest. In response, both of them put their arms around me and clung tightly.
My eyes had been welling up with tears since earlier, and even though I had been trying to hold back, my tear ducts broke, and tears streamed down. Sobs escaped, making it difficult to speak, but I had to clearly convey my feelings.
Gradually, the sounds of sobbing from the two of them faded away, and the only sound remaining was the occasional sniffle. I wondered if my feelings had gotten through to them, feeling anxious, and I also sniffled.
After shifting my face a bit uncomfortably against my chest, Nao and Fumika both lifted their heads almost simultaneously. Their eyes were red and swollen, and they looked painful. I probably looked the same way.
"Suu-chan, we'll still be friends, right?"
"This isn't goodbye forever, right?"
With uncertainty, they asked these questions, and I nodded firmly. I'll say it again, I had no intention of ceasing to be friends with them until they said they didn't want to.
"We're definitely going to be friends forever! I'll write letters, and although we won't be able to do it too often, we can still call each other. If I get a long break like New Year's, I'll come back here, and we can play together then."
As I said that, both of them seemed to relax a bit and smiled just a little, clinging tightly to my body once again. Unfortunately, as weak as I was, I couldn't support the weight of both of them. So, the three of us collapsed onto the carpet in a tangled mess.
For some reason, even though there was nothing funny, laughter welled up within us, and we all burst out laughing. We spent some time in that position, laughing and engaging in trivial conversation. Somehow, it was difficult to part from the two of them. Perhaps I was afraid of no longer feeling their warmth.
But without any basis, I had a feeling that we would continue to stay connected as friends in the future. Of course, it would require effort to maintain that connection.
Perhaps the relief of having conveyed my feelings played a big part, or maybe it was the comfort of the warmth they provided, but before we knew it, we had fallen into the world of sleep. When we woke up, it was dusk, and Nao and I hurriedly said goodbye to Fumika's aunt and rushed back home. As soon as we arrived home, my swollen eyes were pointed out by my mother, which was to be expected. I didn't go into the embarrassing details, though.
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ReplyDeleteMmm, I too should give my thanks. I have been a little critical of the story but I do greatly appreciate the translation!
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